why do you still ask me whether i like you. when in the first place i don't know what the fuck you want exactly from me. fucking leave me alone now. please. im begging you. you know i don't like you for all those stuffs but for who you are. but no. i don't think you get it. forget it. im not piss at you. im piss at myself alrights. piss at myself of how such a fool like me managed to hold on till today. how i've been hiding in my little corner to just shut up about everything & let you do whatever you want to, whatever you want to say & i not giving a fuck about anything. like nothing happened. just keeping quiet for 2 years. not saying my opinions, my REAL opinions. what i've been telling you is not what i really feel, cause i was so afraid of hurting you if i really said what i wanted to. now i don't care anymore.
i had enough, enough. im tired. you're not the only tired one. im more tired than you f.y.i. saying that you're tired of convincing me. heh what the fuck are you trying to convince me about? tell me. tell me NOW then. say it in my face what all the while you've been trying to convince me about. i don't see anything at all. nothing. whatever. fuck.
i know you best. best that you won't have time for me. whatever. you never have time. you never did. tell me was there even one day, that we really spent time together? no. did we ever had one day entirely just to spend with each other? no. did we celebrate any special days together? no. do you even REMEMBER when were the special days? NO. fuck NO NO NO. whatever okays whatever. every answer i know it will be a no. you don't care. you don't give a fuck about it. fuck.
why LL tell me WHY. why ask me all those questions. why bring my hopes up. will you kiss me and all like before? do you still love me? fuck you! why do you like to do that! WHY! ): i had enough already enough! i felt used & played enough. friends tell me, that's not the way to tell a girl you like & all. sounds like he's playing with you or something. hahahahhahaha fuck. stupid me, i've been so stubborn. heh. silly me. hahahahahahahahaha. everything's so funny to me now. haha i don't know why haha everything you said, everything you did hahaha it makes no sense. haha i don't know what the fuck you want from me. i feel so lousy, so useless, so fucked up & so screwed up in my life.
when i finally get the problem out of my mind. you come msging me at 1 fucking am in the morning. seriously what the hell do you want from me. everytime i manage to get it out of my mind you come crawling back. fuck. im tired of all these, seriously. you tell me one thing in the afternoon & the next thing i know you come telling me another thing. what exactly do you want. ask yourself. what do you want from me?! really i was never angry with you. im just pissed at myself. why im always reacting this way when i know im not supposed to. but what do you expect me to do? which bf ever not meet his gf for 3 months? which bf can don't talk to his gf for 1 entire week & comes talking to her like as if nothing ever happened. which bf doesn't reply his gf msg until two days later msing without a single apology & reason why you couldn't reply at all. & best of all pretending nothing happened at all. like as if the msg was just sent. YOU TELL ME WHO DOES THAT?! sounds familiar? i bet it does.
how do you expect a girl not to feel played or even feel like a toy after all these she had gone through. how do you expect her not to expect much? how do you expect her not to be sensitive? how do you expect her not to react? i am still human, i have feelings, i am sensitive. im no robot of yours that comes & goes as you please. hahahaha you did ponder over. did you ever think about what your actions might do to me? nah, i don't think so. i don't think so at all. you said you wanna priorities other things first. fine! i respect that. but do you even have a fucking basic initiative to just msg me that you are busy & you can't reply any of my msges or even talk to me? NO! you just happily ignore me for one entire fucking week! so much for being together. that's why im so afraid. im really afraid of your commitment to other things.
if i was ever out of target why should i even target you & hurt myself all over again.WHY?! why should i?! why should i go through all these shit stuffs again & AGAIN? YOU TELL ME WHY. is that stupid or what? yes im stupid. cause i went back again making the same fucking mistakes all over again. you said you can never be my perfect bf. hah! so funny. please no one is perfect you can never be perfect. guess what? you didn't even try an effort in trying to make it work. that's how i feel. you never did. you just did your own stuffs & fuck care about everything. fuck care. i really do thank you for the times when you really made me feel loved. that was the only time. only one time & i thank you for that & i will miss that too. maybe i guess i just don't understand you & at the same time you don't understand me too. & please stop saying you're lousy. you're not. so shut up.
stop running away. it's no use. face it. but, i guess you don't want to. so i can't do anything about it. even though you say you're not running away well FYI you are. i guess i'll just close up. just close up & just put this book aside & never opening it up again. i don't want to face it anymore. im too fragile. i can't take another blow from you. never again will i bother msging you, never will i bother thinking whether you're doing fine, never will i ever remember the special days we had. never again. goodbye & i just wanna say one last time, i love you & i'll miss you.
"Blind" I was young but I wasn't naive I watched helpless as he turned around to leave And still I have the pain I have to carry A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go I would fall asleep Only in hopes of dreaming That everything would be like it was before But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go After all this why Would you ever wanna leave it Maybe you could not believe it That my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you will ever know A part of me died when I let you go That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go
gonggong! thanks for being there for me & always listening to my shit stuffs (: thanks
11:25 PM
The Protagonist.
the leading lady
Cookie Monster, Them, Toilet Paper
DANIELLIA seventeen years old twenty-sevenJune1990 i like TOYS :D
Thankyous
Credits
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Cookie Monster, Them, Toilet Paper